Sam woke up in the morning and his mum had made some delicious breakfast for me. There is a competition at the skate park that is near Sams house. Sam really wanted to go, but his mum said no. He got really angry that he went to his room. He was sad and angry that he opened his window and jumped out on to the grass and then he went to the park .
He saw his friends and said hi. An earthquake had just happened and monsters came out of the ground. Tevita was Shoved into a monster’s mouth and then the monster didn't like the taste of him so then the monster grabbed him out of his mouth and threw him on the floor. I tried to find my mum because she was my superhero that would save me.
Mum said she was not going to help me if I left because i am naughty and that I didn't listen. So she flew to the moon and then the monsters took over the planet. I had to learn how to become a superhero to fight the monsters, and to protect myself when something bad happens, or if my mum or family is in danger. So I Tried and tried and tried until I got up to being a superhero. As soon as I tried my best to be a superhero, I had switched on and became a superhero. So first I saw some knifes on the floor, so I ran and ran until I reached the knives. So I picked up the knives and stabbed the monsters until they died. Then I flew to the moon and told my mum that I saved the world, and that she could come back to earth.
full stops
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used the right tense
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Yes
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add detail
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